Embracing Happiness Without Fear

The views expressed here are entirely my own. This post is by a Student guest writer.

Growing up, I often found myself trapped in a cycle of overthinking. I was always anxious about how others perceived me, determined to make everyone around me feel comfortable—even at my own expense. I thought this was just who I was.

For a long time, I worried about everything. A less-than-perfect test score or a missed volleyball serve would play on repeat in my mind. I focused on my mistakes and how to avoid repeating them. This led me to sit alone at the front of the classroom instead of enjoying time with my friends. I practiced one serve until it landed perfectly every time.

Conversely, when good things happened, like receiving an award or getting invited to a party, I brushed it off as luck or kindness from others. I felt like the joy was fleeting. To me, anything positive was merely a coincidence, while the negatives were all my fault.

Because of this, whenever I felt happy, it was overshadowed by a constant fear. Happiness seemed like a fragile moment before inevitable disappointment. Growing up in Chile, where earthquakes were a part of life, I learned that sudden upheaval was always a possibility.

We were always prepared for the next quake—stocking up on water, keeping flashlights handy, and ensuring fragile items were tucked away. We knew that when an earthquake hit, it could disrupt everything, and I began to mirror this mindset in my own life. I braced myself for catastrophe, especially when things felt good. Happiness felt like the calm before the storm, those rare moments of quiet before something might go wrong.

I thought that worrying was a way to prepare for disaster. If I fretted enough, maybe I could prevent it. But this constant state of worry robbed me of enjoying happiness. I became my own worst enemy, assuming every little tremor in life was a sign of impending doom.

Now, I see things differently. I understand that mistakes happen, and failure is a part of growth. Not every rumble signifies disaster; sometimes, it's just the sound of a truck passing by.

A couple of years ago, I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD). This diagnosis brought a wave of understanding about my experiences. It was comforting to finally have a name for what I was feeling. I felt hopeful about my future, envisioning a life with less worry and more joy. I began therapy, experimented with medication for a time (though ultimately, that wasn’t the right path for me), and started journaling to clear my mind.

Recently, I’ve noticed real progress. One day, out of the blue, I simply felt happy. There was nothing special about it—no dramatic revelation or sudden insight. Just happiness, pure and simple. For the first time in ages, I wasn’t weighed down by worry or negative thoughts. It felt liberating.

While I still keep bottled water in the garage and avoid hanging things above my bed, I’ve learned to embrace happiness. I allow myself to smile and look forward to all the good that’s yet to come.